Deep in the heart of the New Guinea rain forest, atop Mount Wanahokalugi, lives a strange and reclusive indigenous tribe of Wanahokalugi-ians. Only until recently, have their mysterious ways of life been studied and documented for the benefit of the entire modern world. And now, the secret of their amazing longevity is available here in the United States for a limited time. Act now, and you too can enjoy an average 117 year healthy Wanahokalugi-ian life span, for just 19 simple monthly payments of $89.95. Really, is 19 simple payments of $89.95 to much to ask for a longer, healthier, more satisfying life?
Borrowed from an age old Wanahokalugi-ian tribal custom, translated as "Ear Fire", "Exploding Ear", or "Hot Lava Ear", the secret to a longer, healthier, more satisfying life, is the revolutionary "Flaming Ear!" And now for a limited time offer, you too can insert a "Flaming Ear Stick" right into your ear when stressed, and let the toxic, life shortening, stressful chemicals explode out your ear, with dramatic hot balls of fire. You'll be amazed and dazzled at what comes out.
Don't believe us? Well, ask the Chris and Monica Patch Family of Salt Lake City, Utah. They've been doing "Flaming Ear" for only 2 weeks now, and have already noticed a big difference in their health.
(Monica Patch) ---- "I think its just wonderful!' 'I have so much more energy all the time!" "And really, a little bit of burnt hair here and there, and some large black soot spots on the ceiling aren't that big of a deal when compared with a longer life."
(Alison Patch) ---- "You know, being a teenager with the occasional zit can be pretty embarrassing, but "Flaming Ear" has really stopped my zits. And, all the Aloe-Vera for small facial burns has helped a ton also!"
(William Patch) ---- "My grades at school have really sky rocketed!" "My teacher has noticed a remarkable difference in my comprehension and retention of classroom curriculum." "Everything is going so much better, except I do lose my balance and fall down alot more these days."
Even close family friend, Steffie Williams is a true believer. (Steffie Williams) ---- "You wouldn't guess it, but I'm actually 49 years old." " But now, thanks to those cute little Wanahokalugi -ians, I look like I'm 27." "Thanks "Flaming Ear"!
So, remember "Flaming Ear", the once a week, fire in your ear, that burns away years of stressful life, a little facial skin and hair, and reveals a younger, happier more healthy you. Its a modern day Fountain Of Youth...., except its fire and not water. And, you can't actually drink it...., because its fire, and it would burn your mouth pretty bad if you did. But, it will make you younger like the fountain of youth, but with fire, and not water. So now, you too can have all of this for just 19 easy monthly payments of $89.95. Call today, before your ear fire burns out!
Thanks "Flaming Ear"!
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4 comments:
WHAT???
Dear Chris and Monica- PLEASE tell me that you are not using ear candles! I spend a considerable amount of my four years at BYU being told to never use them. They can drip and burn your tympanic membrane. Also you will see the same results if you burn them in your hand. So, from a concerned niece/cousin, stop this madness!!!
Love, Annie
Time to update the blog folks!
If the patches give an endorsement to the flaming ear wax fountain of youth - the van dijk's are TOTALLY in! Where do we sign and who do we write the check to?
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